Sunday, January 4, 2015

Endings and Beginnings

2014 had been a great year of self-exploration. From lot of readings, fitness sprees, cycling sprints to mini-marathons ; living alone allowed me to try out a platitude of things on one hand, and on the other hand made me realize the extent of emotional security human companionship provides.
Our emotional health quotient is a complex function of companionship and solitude.
Companionship is like food for heart. Whether good or bad you need it but of course, the better the quality of food the healthier your heart is.
Solitude is like dieting. It helps you maintain your food intake, cleanses your heart and helps it pump at its true potential. Excess of dieting lowers blood-pressure and leads to depressive emotions.
2014 had been a year of stronger family ties and deeper friendship bonds. Although scattered and not constructive, 2014 had also been a year of great learning. And what can be a perfect end to a year than getting to perform at two year-end parties. ^_^

2015 is not going to be a regular year. Either for the good or for the bad, this year is going to be decisive of what the rest of my life holds. It is its position on my lifeline that gives it this sense of urgency. There is a point when you can't let life just be and you feel this pinching need to figure things out, figure things so that each day is well lived and not just breathed. When you have that longing need for direction. When its a do or you will die situation. I wish myself all the best. :)
Wishing every creation on earth a very happy new year ! :)

p.s : travelling from kolkata to noida,
      got this post reviewed from my co-passengers. :)
p.s : posting from my new moto- G2 ;)
p.s : listening to 'hil dil k naacho naacho' :D

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Let it go

She was alert enough not to slip this time,
It was all sorted out in her brain..

That if she did fall, it would be a conscious decision..
and that it won't mean another heartbreak..

But then I guess, with all those taped cracks already..
Her heart should have reposed like a forgotten work of art, forever.. untouched..

But it fell, consciously, into pieces again..
Yet again, into older fragments.. 

Only to experience the pain so familiar..
And to gather all courage to put the pieces back together..

Parting Note:
Pain makes you stronger,
But then being too strong is painful.

p.s: stuck in this loop of procrastination. 
I want to be super productive. Everyday. Peace.
p.s: Leaving Bangalore. Moving to Noida. No Hopes. 
p.s: Me.Bangalore = staying all alone. Boring office. Difficult people. CL and friends. Sleepover. Badminton. Yoga. Loosing weight. Cycling. Running and A little more wordly me. 
p.s: love. the sun and the universe <3
p.s: goodnight! :)

Thursday, June 5, 2014

the CATCHER in the RYE

The Catcher in the Rye, a novel by J. D. Salinger, is regarded as a classic. It has been in and out of controversies since it was first published in 1951. 
The picture below illustrates the happiest moment in narrator's memory, watching his cute little sister Phoebe go round and round in the carousel. I got it from Andrew's blog

As I read the first line of the last chapter, 'THAT'S ALL I'm going to tell you about', like a shot a void hit my heart. I didn't want it to end so fast. As in, I wanted to know at least a little more. I sort of started liking Holden Caufield by the end of the play. I actually started liking him sometime into the start itself, to tell the truth. The way he jumped from one tale to another amused me, and how he made silly cynical comments about everything. It made me laugh. I kept wondering why people call this book depressing. He kept describing everything around as lousy or phony, and guys he didn't like as pimpy and all. Funny he was. I sort of felt sorry for him sometimes because he just didn't like anything around him. But the way he kept describing them made him only more amusing. How much he loved his cute little sister, Phoebe, would only make you love him more. But he kept feeling dizzy all along. That made me sad.

All long the story you feel as if he is telling you every little bit about his life. But he is not. The darkest side of his life is hidden till the end. He is depressed and all, but only very late into the story do you get a hint of why is he so depressed. Antolini, the teacher, petting/patting over his head scares a hell out of him. And how he reacts scares a hell out of me. Trust me. I know that feeling. Whether Antolini is at fault or not is a completely different story, but what Holden might have gone through is clearly hinted here. This dark side of human race is so unfortunate. I wonder why the hell God made world this way. 

Holden steals my heart here.

Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around – nobody big, I mean – except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff – I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all.  

Didn't he? All he wants to do in life is save these little kids from falling down while they are playing in the field of rye. Deep down, it reflects his own state. For all the time he had been falling into the abyss of angst, he wished someone was there to catch him and to save him. 

For seldom he appreciates things around him, but when he does the simplicity and innocence of it is an absolute stealer. 

Every time he was about to puke, it made me think he is about to die. I was quite sure he would die at the end of the story, to tell the truth, given people had told me the story is very depressing and all. I mean its kind of sad but not depressing. Mark David Chapman found it so depressing(read inspiring) that he murdered John Lennon ?? :O , I still don't get that! Caulfield was all along such an nice guy.
What might have been the case is that, may be Lennon was into some wrong business and David knew about it, and so he wanted to play the savior by putting an end to Lennon's life. It just made me suspicious, for trust me such dark truths are easiest to hide. Nobody wants to talk about it openly as it makes them feel undignified. Also there is never a tangible proof and the truth is ugly. 

But I wonder if he, I mean Holden, had always been depressed that way all his life or did some drastic sequence of events in past had a profound impact on his impressionable mind. I even wonder if he ever had his food properly. I still wonder. He felt dizzy all the time. I guess all he needed was to be taken care of. A little more love and happiness and immense amount of family care would have been a more transforming decision than sending him to the asylum. 

He was such a bright and nice boy.

p.s: there are certain moments in the story that are so amazing, like when Phoebe comes with her suitcase and all. Phoebe is an absolute delight. All moments with her are amazing actually :)
p.s: I used to think classics are all hi-fi stuffs ( I always think of everything as hi-fi ) and I have to be all scholarly to understand that and all. If this is what classics are, I am in for some more. 
p.s: I am listening to : Baarish from Yaariyan, beautiful song. :)

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Take it slow !

I always have so so SO many things on my to-do list that I am ultimately completely lost most of the time. Lately I realized that my life is more like in Brownian motion, with thoughts and actions running here and there, trying to grab everything that is amazing about LIFE. I am a life freak, bubbling in energy to experience every mundane and exciting events life can possibly offer. Things like working in the massi shop (one college dhaba) from morning 8 am to night 10 pm, cleaning-serving-cooking, just for the heck of it and many more awesome experiences have helped me live life to my fullest. But the course of life has changed and I am more than 3 years through my 20 beginnings. Its time to imbibe more settled experiences that go a long way in shaping my social and economic presence in the world, along with my spiritual presence in the universe. There are things I need to learn, unlearn and relearn. Things I need to build, create and nurture.

Lately I did a great job in breaking into new habits. Habits like exercising daily, playing regularly, speaking mindfully (I sucked at this big time, blurting everything that came to my mind), giving my all in what I am doing/supposed to do (however still the weakest at this one). Each one of them are still evolving, and ever will, with each passing day. Unlike just plain habits, the driving force that keeps me interested in sticking to them is the possibility of getting better at it with each passing day. Also what makes me look forward to their execution are the small rewards each of them delivers in making life better. That's the thing with good habits, its rewarding :). It was a tough journey, and I cracked it. This gives me a lot of confidence when I think about building new tougher ones. I also learned quite a few mind hacks and applied them quite successfully. I am looking forward to excelling at this one too. Psychology is one amazing area of study, in fact a much needed recipe for success.

For now, on the blog front I will be posting my day to day learnings on a particular topic (haven't crisply decided on what topic) to track by advancement and most importantly to practice discipline.

So, why did I title this post - Take it slow ?
That's because I was hurrying. While doing one task I was thinking about how I need to do the others too. While writing I often found myself hurrying about how I need to read that amazing article I just come across. While reading I was worrying about how I need to solve a few aptitude questions to improve my acumen. Doing maths I was worrying about how I always wanted to learn web development and that I need to do that too. My mind inside is like - I have to read those amazing books, meet those amazing people, go on amazing trips, learn those amazing hacks, cook those amazing dishes, do amazing in that exam, write some amazing articles, build that amazing product, and I need to do them all fast!! O Oh O! hold on dear..! You know what !? you have done it all but only in bits and pieces. Pieces scattered here and there, making no complete sense. If you want to make sense out of your life, calm down, have patience to build page/s long experiences and not just a bit, working on each of them with complete determination and dedication, completing each chapter with proper endings, and binding all of them strongly into a book, and call it your LIFE.

So from hence on..
I will take it slow,
And build my life on the go.

Happy Living!
Keep smiling :)

p.s: no p.s's today.
p.s: ok just one..! :P I love the place where I am staying. On the terrace, with a coconut tree right over my head, and greenery all around. Doing suryanamaskar everyday, I am bonding strong with the sun and the soil :)

Friday, April 19, 2013


The undefined bond with you, dear nature is something I hold only to my heart. Not that I never wanted to share but because it is so difficult to express. I don't really know how strong our bond is and how the sun,  the moon, the clouds, the wind and the stars feel about me, but there are moments with them which have lifted my emotions.. and in fits of those emotions I have always wondered how can this friendship be strengthened.  There is ofcourse something lacking in me that this friendship never grew very strong. I wish I could feel more strongly and I so wish we could communicate.. 

For now, all I want is to thank you for all the wonderful moments you have bestowed upon me.. and seek your blessings to be able to lead a life closer to you..
This piece of writing is solely inspired by and dedicated to you.


I am lying on my bed trying to sleep,
After a day well-lived, despite the summer heat.
As I close my eyes and count my friends,
A cheerful breeze tickles underneath my ears..
It has a story to tell, about its day which went all happy after years..
Like a childhood friend it cares not and pulls me out again and again..
Unable to decipher what it says.. I go closer to the window to hear it say..
For we differ in languages we speak.. its only the rhythm that makes me stay..
Hours pass by but even after several tries.. its still the rhythm that makes me stay ..
Patience now gives its way and exasperation shows up on its face..
It turns into a violent wind..
Turbulence is all within..
With utter guilt I reach the door, to tell how I care, don't loose hope..
In vain again, it suddenly stops..
Undying silence lingers around.
Shivers run through my spine,
‘Is it over now? Will it never be fine?’
I run to the open ground, look into the dark night sky..
“Stay back!”.. my heart cries..
A gush of rain falls over my face.. and I taste the rain...I taste the rain...

p.s: yes ! rains are beautiful and tasty too ! :)
p.s: and now i know whats a nature-poem fuss all about :D

Monday, January 14, 2013

The process of Self discovery

Something I would love to share.. !

The master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure, his mind and his body, his information and his recreation, his love and his religion. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence at whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing. To him he's always doing both.   
~ James A. Michener

Monday, December 31, 2012

Breaking the silence! forever?


     The whole of delhi and eventually India coming together for the cause of delivering justice  the 23-year old gangrape victim reflects the courage and values the present youth of India possesses. Standing against the brutal, insensitive police force and apathetic group of leaders, withstanding water cannons, lathicharge heralded on them consistently, the intensely committed youth shook the conscience of the entire nation. It is utmost saddening that it took a life of this brave-hearted girl to awaken the souls of the citizens, but that the nation is awaken forever will be a true tribute to her sacrifice.  That we wont shut up and fight for better system, better governance and stand up against any and every injustice. That enough is enough! and gone are the days when silence was considered the best and optimum solution to keep oneself away from problems..That we as an individual will ensure safer and pleasant surrounding in every way for every individual. That we have broken the silence forever!!
    Saluting the youth of India and pledging to be one such responsible citizen, I hope and wish that defying all odds, the power and positive energy we possess will unite and multiply to give way to better, brighter, shinning  and a truly democratic INDIA..

 Here a poem by Amitabh Bachchan, a tribute of the brave-heart to whom the country will be indebted forever, a girl who didn't ask for us to be courageous but just a girl who went for a movie, boarded a bus and .. ..victimized ..

p.s: The world didn't end, but 2012 left loads on memories for indians to remember forever.
       Where the anna's  India against corruption movement awakened India's political conscience
       and the pain of the 23-year-old, our social conscience.       
p.s:  this link directs you to an insightful article on the incident.