Tuesday, September 29, 2015

On Cycling

I have been cycling all around in Bangalore on my khatara-pyaara second-hand over-priced cycle. Its been an elating experience to own such a perfect means of transport. The best part is that it can keep up with my energy level. I love when we criss-cross our way through the jammed traffic. On a cycle, you don't stop.. you figure new paths out. Have been missing on such a heavy dose of everyday happiness all these years. Its now that I realize :

Cycling is a joy unparalleled. :)

p.s : Not putting much effort in my posts. On a mission to cultivate the habit of being prolific. Will soon merge the two.
p.s: song of the day : Wo Sikandar he doston kehlata hai :D
p.s: because i love aamir ;)

Sunday, September 13, 2015

It will happen again !

You know what ! I have this overly conscious conscience. Even as I sit here to frame this post.. I am feeling guilty of being unjust to all the awesome life experiences I have not penned down. This is also one reason I am not able to blog frequently, because when I am drafting one emotion/event, the guilt of not having given importance to more worthy emotions/events keeps distracting me. There have been abundant moments of adrenaline rush, of amazing life experiences, of joys I found in simplest things and love I discovered in dearest ones that deserve due attention here. But I am pulled in here almost always when I am broken.. This is being so selfish you know ! Human beings are inherently selfish I guess. Sometimes I think we as a civilization have made rules for ourselves, but if we did chose to go by living freely we did be more dangerous than the beasts.  Anyway, back to the point. So what tragedy brought me back here today ? Its having failed in love I never fell for in the first place. 

Its been two months since the chapter closed and life's been pretty awesome even after that.. thanks to the resilience developed over the past years.. This was the very first time I ever said someone a "yes".  I had full faith, that I may go wrong somewhere but he never will.. after all he had been so genuine all along the way. Also to mention, if I hadn't had that much faith in him (which was developed over a period of one year, enough to convince that it was not blind faith) I would have never said him a "yes". In the period of six months I had given him all the attention I could to make him feel special, that it was as strong from my side as it was from his.. and I strongly felt that I have been so lucky to find a person as genuine as him. We never ever ran into a conflict but I guess I was overly optimistic ( I always am..). 

It was so easy for him to give it up all. When signs of parting were cropping up, I felt more sorry for him than myself... I could not sleep for days.. picturing what pain he would be going through... I was determined to make love win. I had planned that I would go against my principle of "never going against your parents" if need be.. but to my surprise.. it was so much easier for him.

In the last days all he said was, " we have lived beautiful moments together, trust me I would never find a girl better than you..!!.."  Hahahaha.. Thanks for the consolation prize indeed ! When did love reduce to such a thing though?! I could see no determination in him of making it happen. Finally I realized that I had made a fool out of myself by taking every possible step I could possibly take. But I still kept thinking that life isn't fair and I am not in his shoes to understand what he might be going through.

Its been two months since the chapter closed. I broke down in tears for the first time today.. Something really went wrong.. you know! I did not deserve such a betrayal. Its not loosing the person that is hurting... Its loosing faith in love, sacrifice and commitment.. that is scaring..

All that being said..  a heart might be bruised, but it will recover and become capable of seeing beauty of life once more. It's happened before, it will happen again..

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Endings and Beginnings

2014 had been a great year of self-exploration. From lot of readings, fitness sprees, cycling sprints to mini-marathons ; living alone allowed me to try out a platitude of things on one hand, and on the other hand made me realize the extent of emotional security human companionship provides.
Our emotional health quotient is a complex function of companionship and solitude.
Companionship is like food for heart. Whether good or bad you need it but of course, the better the quality of food the healthier your heart is.
Solitude is like dieting. It helps you maintain your food intake, cleanses your heart and helps it pump at its true potential. Excess of dieting lowers blood-pressure and leads to depressive emotions.
2014 had been a year of stronger family ties and deeper friendship bonds. Although scattered and not constructive, 2014 had also been a year of great learning. And what can be a perfect end to a year than getting to perform at two year-end parties. ^_^

2015 is not going to be a regular year. Either for the good or for the bad, this year is going to be decisive of what the rest of my life holds. It is its position on my lifeline that gives it this sense of urgency. There is a point when you can't let life just be and you feel this pinching need to figure things out, figure things so that each day is well lived and not just breathed. When you have that longing need for direction. When its a do or you will die situation. I wish myself all the best. :)
Wishing every creation on earth a very happy new year ! :)

p.s : travelling from kolkata to noida,
      got this post reviewed from my co-passengers. :)
p.s : posting from my new moto- G2 ;)
p.s : listening to 'hil dil k naacho naacho' :D